By Khaled Diab

If Barack Obama were a pop star, he would be a jazz musician or a rapper, not a Britney Spears. And to prove it, BaRock should release an election rap, UnPrezidented.

August 2008

John McCain, the Republican presidential candidate, has suggested, in a campaign ad, that Barack Obama is a celebrity of the Britney Spears or Paris Hilton mould. Now that's what I call Ludacris.

Not only do the two examples have little in common – one is a self-made pop sensation, the other is an heir-head airess whose name sounds like a branch of her family's hotels – other than the fact that they are young women, Obama is too smart to be an underachieving rich girl and too cool to be a pop starlet. If Obama were a musician, he would probably be a jazz musician or possibly a rapper.

In fact, Obama should take up McCain's invitation to sing and release a campaign rap song, since he is a self-confessed rap fan. For the single, he could give himself a typically rap-like nom de guerre. I reckon BaRock would work well because it intimates that Barack rocks, while, for the more classically inclined, it suggests a more timeless aspect.

His election single would be entitled UnPrezidented and would outline his electoral platform while taking digs at McCain. Here's an excerpt I wrote:

My name's BaRock

I'm UnPrezidented

I'm here to rock 'n' shock the nation

Cuz de Repubs gave us a bad reputation

Well, I'm gonna set dat straight

'For it's too late

Cuz the world can't wait

Vote UnPrezidented

No, might don't make right

We don't want no mo' fight

Me, I'm boff black'n'white

I'm UnPrezidented

Given how hollow McCain's campaign is, perhaps he should retire from the presidential race and make way for Paris Hilton, the self-professed ‘moderate Republican'. In fact, the heiress has launched her own spoof presidential campaign in which she outlines a more sensible energy and environmental policy than the Republicans – which isn't saying much.

With celebrity culture the way it is, it's not beyond the bounds of possibility that McCain will recruit her as his running mate. If he does, then Obama may be forced to look to the entertainment world for his vice-presidential candidate to even the odds. Fortunately, he won't be short of A-list progressives: George Clooney, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins or Bruce Springsteen.

Come to think of it. If Obama doesn't make it to the White House or once his term in office is up, he could always cash in on his fame and become a performing artist. We've had Ronald Reagan as president, why not have some reverse fertilisation?

This is an archived article from Diabolic Digest.