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Hijab and dagger

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By Khaled Diab

Egyptian outrage at the brutal murder of Marwa Sherbini, the ‘hijab martyr’ is understandable. But If Egyptians want better justice for Muslims in Europe, then they should demand more justice for non-Muslims at home.

7 July 2009

Marwa el-Sherbini, 32, died a tragic death – tragic because it was so pointless and so unnecessary. The tragedy was multiplied by the fact that the young Egyptian expat was three months pregnant and leaves behind another child.

el-Sherbini, a pharmacist and the wife of an Egyptian academic on a scholarship in Germany, was murdered by her 28-year-old Islamophobic neighbour, identified by the authorities only as Axel W, an unemployed Russian of German descent.

The murder took place in a courtroom in Dresden where Axel was appealing a fine he had imposed on him for insulting el-Sherbini – in 2008, he had called her “a terrorist” because she wore a headscarf. “It was very clearly a xenophobic attack of a fanatical lone wolf,” said Christian Avenarius, the prosecutor in Dresden.

In Alexandria, where el-Sherbini’s body was repatriated, hundreds of mourners turned up to the funeral of the “martyr of terrorism” on Monday 6 July. Many carried placards asking: “What crime was she killed for?”

The murder has prompted anti-German sentiment in Egypt and, like with the Danish cartoon controversy, some Egyptians are calling for sanctions against Germany. For example, the Egyptian Pharmacists' Association, of which el-Sherbini was a member, called for a boycott of German drugs.

Egyptians have been outraged not just by the murder but by the relative lack of attention it has received in the European media, especially considering the amount of space dedicated to hate crimes perpetrated by Muslims. Hicham Maged, an Egyptian blogger, wrote: “Just imagine if the situation was reversed and the victim was a Westerner who was stabbed anywhere in the world or – God forbid – in any Middle Eastern country by Muslim extremists.” Other commentators pointed to the uproar that followed the 2004 murder of filmmaker Theo Van Gogh.

While the media attention grabbed by the Van Gogh murder was partly a function of his notoriety and celebrity, there is a point to be made that this brutal murder should’ve attracted more media attention.

But to play the same ‘what if’ game as Hicham Maged above, I also have a hypothetical question: “What if a western  or local woman were attacked or murdered in a Muslim country for not wearing the headscarf, would her case attract much attention in Egypt or other Muslim countries?”

Yes, there is prejudice in Western countries against the hijab, and Muslims are understandably incensed by this, especially when it is institutionalised in law. But what about Muslim prejudice against bare heads? In the interest of fairness, why aren’t more Muslims openly outraged by attempts to force women to wear the headscarf against their will, such as in Saudi Arabia?

The ‘mutaween’, the Saudi morality police, routinely arrest and beat Saudi woman out alone or not wearing a headscarf, and have been known to pester Western women and arrest them up on trumped up charges of “prostitution”. In an extreme manifestation of their puritanical attitude, they caused, in 2002, the death of 15 schoolgirls who were not allowed to flee a burning building because they were not dressed in decent Islamic fashion and barred male passers-by from rescuing them.

Respect for local mores and customs, I hear some say in defence. Well, if that’s the case, surely then there should be nothing wrong with the reverse occurring and European countries banning the hijab because it goes against their customs? Personally, I believe in freedom of conscience and freedom of faith, so I don’t think that any government has the right to tell people how they can or cannot worship.

Egyptians rightly criticise the Islamophobia and discrimination against Muslims in Europe. But this criticism overlooks two pertinent facts: that Muslims often have more freedom of conscience in Europe than they do in Egypt, and that non-Muslims can also be the victims of enormous prejudice in Egypt.

Copts have to deal with a lot of unofficial prejudice and even some institutionalised discrimination in Egypt, while converts to Christianity are ostracised and sometimes even persecuted, as the current case of Maher el-Gohary illustrates. This does not mean that all Egyptian Muslims are anti-Christian – in fact, most are pretty tolerant. The same can be said of European attitudes towards Muslims.

I’m as outraged as any Egyptian by the ugly murder of Marwa el-Sherbini. But if Egyptians want better justice for Muslims in Europe, then they should start at home and demand more justice for non-Muslims in Egypt.

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Puppy love forever

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By Khaled Diab

The adult world shouldn't dismiss childhood romances as cute follies – first loves can leave a lasting impression.

January 2009

As legendary love duos, from Romeo and Juliet to Qays and Leilia, will readily attest, youth’s first blossoms of love can be lethal.

But what if these tragic young lovers had survived their first passions, could these ‘star-cross’d lovers’ have settled down in a meaningful long-term relationship?

Very likely not, according to a new book, Changing relationships, a collection of essays by leading British sociologists.

“If you had a very passionate first relationship and allow that feeling to become your benchmark for a relationship dynamic, then it becomes inevitable that future, more adult partnerships will seem boring and a disappointment,” said Dr Malcolm Brynin, the book’s editor.

Personally, I had girlfriends from when I was a teenager but did not really fall in love until I was well into my 20s. Nine years on, we’re still very much in love, although the flame burns differently from those early days when we first confessed our feelings in a remote Egyptian oasis. But we are lucky: our relationship is one that taps both the mind and heart, depends on both emotion and personal compatibility.

However, anecdotal evidence from die-hard romantics would seem to confirm that that elusive quest to replicate the first spark can be consuming. The Turkish Nobel laureate Orhan Pamuk – whose first teenage love affair was with his Black Rose who had chestnut hair and “brown eyes but one shade darker” – reflected in his autobiographical biography of Istanbul: “I had not yet discovered what I would have to learn again and again when I fell in love: I was possessed.”

CiF’s own Arian Sherine writes of her first love: “I truly thought those heady, illusory butterfly feelings would never fade… I didn’t want a stale, empty and useless relationship, I insisted: I wanted love, the kind of impossible, senseless love that could never be cajoled or coerced.”

Does that mean people should ‘grow up’ and forget those ‘silly ideas’ of love when they settle down? Absolutely not. Professor Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University in New Jersey, observed, using MRI scans, similar brain activity among those who had been happily married for more than two decades with those who had been in relationships for less than six months, which suggests that bliss depends on keeping the passion alight.

This is good news for that generation of young lovers who have seized the age-old torch and are keeping it burning, like Mika and Anna-Bell who decided to elope to Africa and get married. Not very exciting or novel, you say? Well, it is if you consider that the young amours were aged only six and five!

On the cusp of the new year, in the dead of night, the sweethearts slipped out of one of their parents’ house in Hanover, decked out in sunglasses, swimming armbands, and dragging suitcases packed with summer clothes, cuddly toys and a few provisions. They even had the resourcefulness to take along Mika’s older sister as a witness.

The two lovers’ romantic dreams were arrested by the police just as they were about to board the express train to the airport. Exhibiting childhood’s reckless disregard for and ignorance of practicality – they had no money, no passports, no adult guardian and were not legally allowed to marry – Anna-Bell told German television: “We wanted to get married and so we just thought: ‘Let’s go there.’”

“Sweet”, “cute”, “adorable” is the automatic adult response to this dramatic display of ‘puppy love’. I was grinning broadly in dismay when my wife first told me the story. But I soon got to wondering whether children can truly feel romantic love, and whether Anna-Lena and Mika could perhaps be tragic victims in an unsympathetic and uncomprehending adult world?

It’s easy to dismiss their antics as a manifestation of children playing adults, but could the young lovebirds have been serious?

According to Elaine Hatfield, a social psychologist at the University of Hawaii who has adapted her Passionate Love Scale for children, “Little kids fall in love, too.” And first loves can leave a lasting impression – sometimes causing grief for their families in later life. For instance, a Belgian TV programme a friend told me about reintroduced two childhood sweethearts, ending in tears when the two ex-lovers left their current partners to reunite.

But can puppy love endure? Is there any chance that a couple like Mika and Anna-Bell might still be together as adults? Childhood and adolescent romances tend to be rehearsals for later life from which we either learn and mature or which chain us down in certain patterns for life.

But there is the odd example which does endure to a ripe old age. Take John and Mary Cairns, who at 80 and 82, celebrated 75 years together in 2008, which means they got together at about the same age as the German kids.

“I’m just a wee working lassie and he’s my wee working laddie,” said Mary, who describes John as her “toy boy”.

This column appeared in The Guardian Unlimited’s Comment is Free section on 24 January 2009. Read the related discussion.

This is an archive piece that was migrated to this website from Diabolic Digest

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